bdsm, Sir

Sir Knew Just What I Needed – Laying Myself Bare

My level of excitement for this evaluation session was not like it was for my first session. My first session I was excited, nervous and anticipatory. You can read all about my first session HERE (it will open in a separate tab). I had prepared for a week and it was at the forefront of my mind always. And if you’d like to read about the week leading up to that point you can find that HERE. But for this one those same levels were not there, I was going not because I wanted to but I because needed too. You’d have to have had those feelings before to truly understand what I mean. Sure I wanted to because I had been waiting for a while in between sessions my sub levels were dropping and dropping fast but by the time it came around for this session it was more of a need then a want because I had so much going on in my life. I remember laying in bed the night before and thinking about what was to come. All I could think about was how much I needed this session because I was having such a hard time that week and I just needed to be free. I thought to myself if he asks what I need I’d say “for you to take control and free me from all the things on my mind. Think for me so I don’t have to give thought to anything else. I just need to follow you. I need something that I can get right”. I started the day feeling okay and okay had been where I was for about a week and a half. But by this day I was at the very bottom of okay border lining awful. I was okay enough to be an adult and drag myself out of bed that morning to go to work. I was okay enough to manage my staff without breaking down. I was okay enough to get myself prepared for the session but past that I was super low. I was depressed and I had been dealing with some heavy feelings of self doubt, failure and unworthiness during the days leading up to it. I was okay enough to put on a half happy face but on the inside I was crying and broke down.

It was 12:38 pm on that afternoon when I finally started on my way to my session and I was upset because I was going to be late. Not late for Sirs timing of course but for my own personal time that I had set for myself. My session was to start at 1:00 pm and I wanted to reach there by 12:30 so I’d have enough time to gather, relax and center myself. But instead I was late and the GPS said my eta was 12:55 pm so I tried to get centered in the car and that just was not working. I arrived five minutes before the session was set to start. I walk in and I could see the scene laid out….toys neatly placed on the table, hand cuffs, locks, collar, ropes and chains… the works. When I saw the section with butt plugs and the wartenburg wheel I immediately got nervous. I had only just had my first anal sex experience and although a cock could fit in there I was nervous about the size of the butt plugs. Plus me and the wartenburg wheel were not friends. I hang up my coat, put my bag down and pull out my aftercare kit and the hitachi…he had let me borrow me for some time. I was instructed to place them beside me on the couch where I was to be seated by 1:00pm. I could hear the shower going and figured Sir was in it. I sat down on the couch in the position requested at 12:58 but by the time I remembered that the message said to get a drink it was already 1:00pm. The shower was still running so I got up and went quickly into the kitchen to get it. I learned later that yes the shower was running and Sir was in the bathroom but he was watching me on his surveillance cameras and he knew I was not in my seat as I should have been at 1:00pm. I was not in best form to start the session because I already had a lot on my mind and I was upset with myself for being late. I didn’t set up a safety call this time and that was Sirs first question for me. So I was disappointed in myself that the answer to his first question was No Sir. I got up and set up the call then went back to my seat.

Sir came down in a black button down shirt, grey jeans and black shoes. He smelled of his signature scent that I only get to smell in session. It smells so good and I usually smell it when he’s really close to me or when I have the pleasure of having my mouth on his cock. We went through the formality of recording my agreement to the session and my being aware of what I signed up for. He listed what was to happen in the session and if there was anything I didn’t want to do that was the time to make it known. There was one thing I wasn’t unsure of so I said I had a question and he said to hold my question until later. So I agreed to everything. When he asked if I was ready to start the session I said no I had a question. He let me ask

Sadie – What is electro stimulation? 

Sir – Do you mean the electro stimulation that you already agreed too?

Sadie – Yes Sir 

Sir – Well it’s a bit late to ask that now..I think you might get to know what it’s like to say your safe word.

Sadie – Yes sir 

Sir – How does that make you feel ?

Sadie – Nervous Sir

Sir – Good 

In hindsight what I should’ve done was say yes there is something I don’t want to be done when he asked the first time since I didn’t know what it was instead of agreeing to it first . This way I could’ve used that as the time to ask. He snaps his fingers and the session begins. Again I don’t have the proper answer for his first question in session. I couldn’t remember and I listed two others instead. Of course being in the fragile mind set I was already in, I was now upset with myself because I needed a refresher. It just felt to me like “here I am where I want to be , where I don’t have to give great thought to whats going on in my life, where all I need to do is follow instructions….but I can’t even get that right.” That piled onto the feelings I had been having in my personal life that week…feelings that I just couldn’t get anything right, failing at every turn. He moves me around in various positions, puts on my collar and my leather wrist cuffs. He questioned my wanting to be there based on how I was behaving. For me I was truly unaware that I was behaving in any particular way, I thought I was just being normal as things continued to pile onto me. Pile on #375 – for a sub whose job and fulfillment comes from being pleasing to my Dom….I never want to hear that he thinks I don’t want to be there. I never want to have him doubt my interest in presenting myself to him in a pleasing manner. I never want him to feel like i’m not grateful and honored to be in his presence. So of course..i’m further upset with myself.

He notices from the start that something was wrong with me even though I thought I was doing a good job at just being still. He stands me in the middle of the floor and tells me he knows that I have a lot on my mind and I need to let it go. By the second time he said let it go I could feel the tears start to well up in my eyes and fall down my face. He sees my tears and says “I have something for that” and walked away . He came back and put a pillow on the floor, instructed me to kneel and told me that this wasn’t going to be easy . He instructed me to lay my body over the couch cushion. It’s a sectional so the long piece on the end. He tied my legs together then tied my hands together . Then it seemed liked he used chains that were attached to my wrists and placed them under the couch in order to connect the chains to the ones on my ankles….I could not move at all.Everything that happened from that point until I broke down crying was foggy. Ultimately his goal was to get me to let go of everything I had inside and he pushed and pushed harder until I did. During that time I learned what electro stimulation was and it is not pleasant when it gets to a certain level. I went through various stages of spanking between his hand and the belt on my ass, thighs and back. It was also done with a wooden hair brush…..I never knew a hair brush could hurt the way it did especially on my pussy (its okay to say ouch) . I’m not a fan of the hair brush maybe even more then the wartenburg wheel. He brought it all out of me. I was crying all the ugly tears with snot and all. I just sobbed away all my brokenness. Every time a thought from the week that saddened me crossed my mind in that moment I just cried. You never want anyone to see you really have that ugly cry so I tried to cover my face while sobbing because I’m sure I looked a hot mess. He did not allow for me to cover up my face, he moved my hand every time making it hard to cover up my embarrassment. I had no choice but to lay myself bare. He laid beside me and put his arms around me as I continued to cry . I had so much on my heart and mind that it just poured out of me, I was overflowing and my cup was spilling everywhere .

I left the session with my poor asshole hurting every time I sit, two sore large welts on the back of my right thigh from the belt, my pussy being tender from being hit way too many times with a brush after I cried enough to full a river…but I walked out the door feeling ten times better then I did when I walked in. He knew just what I needed – Sadie ❤

[ For those who like reading about Sir & I there’s so much more I’d like to share from this session…why I needed to use my safe word, what I learned and what I feel I could’ve done better etc. This is just the beginning, more coming soon ]  

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