I laid in the bed last night with a lot on my mind…that’s been typical for me for about the last month or so. I’ve really been struggling with getting to sleep because I can not shut off my thoughts at night. My mind is often running a mile a minute. Now with my new work schedule this pattern of sleeplessness does not help because I have to get up very very early in the morning. As I laid in bed I was able to more clearly picture my theme for this challenge. Yesterday I said that its about “me” and today i’d like to make that more specific . I’ve decided that i’ll use the A to Z challenge to write about the people, experiences and things that made me who I am today. I know this is going to be hard for me. There are so many things that I’ve experienced in my few years on this earth both good and bad, some I’ve spoken about and other’s I haven’t uttered a word. There are so many people that have played a role in who I am whether they were here for a season or are still here and intend to be here for a life time. The beauty in this blog is my anonymity, so it will allow me to be more transparent than I would normally be if I were talking to a friend. There’s very few people who know me in real life and also follow my blog. I’ve noticed quite a few people have a similar anonymous vibe on their blogs. With that being said I don’t have to worry about hurt feelings or offense or not giving certain parts of the story because I can write freely.
Believer – 1.a person who believes that a specified thing is effective, proper, or desirable.”a firm believer that party politics has no place in local government” 2. an adherent of a particular religion; someone with religious faith.synonyms:devotee of, adherent of, disciple of, follower of, supporter of, upholder of, worshiper in; convert, proselyte, neophyte; bhakta; born-again”she was a believer in the Christian religion”
I was practically born and raised in the church so today’s B is for Believer but it could also be for Bible or Baptist. For as far back as I could remember I was getting up early every Sunday morning for Sunday school. I stayed for morning service and if there was a second service I was there for that too. I was a Bible scholar and I knew it like the back of my hand, any question asked to me I had the answer at the drop of a dime. I went to Wednesday night Bible studies and Thursday night choir rehearsals every week. I ushered on the ushering board, I stepped on the step team, I danced on the praise team and I sang in the choir. I could pray down a mountain without ceasing….I was a believer. I went to the weekend bible conferences and was a summer camp counselor. I was the girl in my high school biology class that stood up and declared that the teacher was a liar as I walked out of class during the lesson on evolution. I spent every new years eve at “watch night” service and even stayed for the all the night shut in services….I was a believer.
With the things that were going in my house as I grew up I needed to believe in something. I needed to have a belief in a power bigger then me, who understood my pain and who was going to be there for me when no one else was. I needed to believe that there was someone out there that was a father to the fatherless and mother to the motherless. I needed to believe that there was someone who considered me to be special and held me to a high esteem. I needed to believe that if I believed enough I could bring down mountains, heal the sick and clothed the poor. I needed to believe that if I had no one else in my corner that there was an eye in the sky who had my back. I needed to believe in an alpha and omega, beginning and end. I needed to believe for the sake of my moral compass.
When raised under a certain belief system..even when your views have changed its hard to shake the indoctrination. When i’m down I still find peace in a good worship songs and can be moved to tears. When I sit down to eat I often catch myself getting ready to pray for my food. The reason for my change of heart is not important, what matters is that I owe my life to being a believer. If it were not for that I could not guarantee that I would be here today. My views may have changed but the impact that the belief had on my life has not. Being a believer helped sooth my pains, when I needed it most. Being a believer helped bring me out of my darkest hour. Being a believer made me a survivor of things I shouldn’t have needed to survive from. Being a believer gave me the courage to step out on my own. Although I may have a different stance on it all today, I am still grateful for the part it played in the person that I am today.
Before I go….there is a beautiful song that I heard a few weeks back that I play often now, that i’d like to share. It’s called “You Say” by Lauren Daigle, I will link it below.. It’s a worship song but I had no clue that it was until I got 3 minutes into a 4 minute song.It was playing on the radio late at night one evening when I was on my way home. When it came on , I stopped and listened intently. I needed to know the title of the song, so when I got home I searched and searched until I could find it. It was such an encouraging song and when I first heard it there were some key points that reminded me of Wicked. Whether you believe or not , its a beautiful song that speaks to the encouragement that you receive when you’re not feeling your best from someone special in your life. I also find it to be a rather empowering song, I have it on the playlist of songs I use to get centered before a session with Sir….odd I know. For those of you who won’t click the button and listen to the song or who need a push to click it, i’ll leave the lyrics for the first verse and chorus here –
You Say – Lauren Daigle
I keep fighting voices in my mind that say I’m not enough
Every single lie that tells me I will never measure up
Am I more than just the sum of every high and every low?
Remind me once again just who I am, because I need to know
You say I am loved when I can’t feel a thing
You say I am strong when I think I am weak
You say I am held when I am falling short
When I don’t belong, oh You say that I am Yours
And I believe , oh I believe
What You say of me
I hope it brings light, encouragement and power to your life in the way it does mines.
There will forever be a piece of my heart still left on the pew – Sadie ❤
B is for……Believer