Mentorship is a relationship in which a more experienced or more knowledgeable person helps to guide a less experienced or less knowledgeable person. The mentor may be older or younger than the person being mentored, but he or she must have a certain area of expertise. It is a learning and development partnership between someone with vast experience and someone who wants to learn.
When I saw the prompt and read the definition used for mentorship for this weeks Wicked Wednesday it made me think of my partner “Wicked”. He is truly a well of knowledge not only in the area of BDSM but in life. He has lots of life experience to pull from and is strong in his beliefs and values. He helps and advises a lot of people in different parts of the world. He’s not only my mentor, I’m sure there are many others who would give him that title as well as trusted confidant. He will stay on the phone for hours to help you with your issues and his door is always open if you truly need him. He communicates well, is honest and works well with people who are struggling with various issues in life.
When Wicked and I first started corresponding it was because I reached out to him specifically for his advice. I knew that he was far more knowledgeable in the area that I needed help in then I was. I hoped that he would be able to guide me in the direction that I should go. I had been watching him on his online platform for quite some time before I decided to reach out and even in doing so I wasn’t even sure that he’d respond. I was one of thousands of his subscribers and since I wasn’t sure he would respond I drafted an email that said what I wanted but nothing to long or in depth. When I sent that email I had no interest in there being an “us” whether in a romantic or D/s relationship. It never crossed my mind because I didn’t even know where he lived, for all I’d known he could’ve lived in New Mexico. I just wanted to pick his brain. I just wanted his advice on how to incorporate bdsm into my current relationship or if I should seek it outside of that. To my surprise he replied and not only did he reply but it wasn’t a generic email. When I read it I knew he took the time out to really sit down and write me specifically. After his response we continued to email back and forth and I started telling him about my relationship with double mint and how I wasn’t sure on if I wanted to try and bring him into the world of kink or if it would be best for me to separate the two and find a dom outside of my relationship (obviously with doublemint being in the know). I started to tell him about how I tried to introduce it into my marriage and the outcome of that etc. Eventually I found out that he lived in my area and he could tell you that it made me quite hesitant because I wasn’t expecting that at all. I was also not interested in meeting him at all initially. It took 3 requests and a month later for that to happen. And in that time I never shared a picture of myself with him or gave any insight into what I looked like. It was truly a blind meet up for him. Honestly if I had known that he lived near me I wouldn’t have told him all my personal business lol. And not because I wanted to be with him but because I’m weird about people I know being in the know about things I consider personal…like this blog. As we went back and forth via email he gave me tips and offered his help based on the vast level of knowledge he had. I learned a lot in that dialogue and I was happy to have someone to talk that 1. Knew what they were talking about and 2. That I could speak freely too. He gave me hope that what I was looking for just might be out there.
Since then time has passed and we are in a relationship. I still consider him to be my mentor and confidant. He mentors me in the area of communication. He’s very good about communicating clearly, filtering and processing. Those things are not my strong suit. I am a fairly reserved person and when it comes to communicating I give you what I want you to know…which is most cases is very little. Then I’ll sit back and listen to you talk without giving any more insight into myself. I’m a great listener and I can talk to you all day about what you have going on. I don’t however talk much about me, my feelings or inner thoughts. I’ve learned in not sharing that when I do decide to share all that’s going on with me under all these layers….I’m not the greatest at it. I’ve never really had to share in the way that I do with him so I never developed a filter. I never took the time to process things before I blurted them out. I never really had to think about timing because in the past I wasn’t sharing anything that I deemed personal or that would be close to my heart with anyone. I had to learn that timing is important and the way you say things even if it is the same exact phrase can either make someone feel good or hurt them very much. I had to learn that time changes things in terms of how you communicate and that leading with your emotions when communicating can sometimes not be the best thing. I’ve taken notes like I’m in school on how to build a filter of my own. He’s always mentoring me even when he doesn’t know it and I am always learning from him.
Now I know that I am a hard student to teach and he’s got his hands full for sure. It takes me time to fully grasp a process and several iterations before I both understand and believe it. It takes a mountain of patience to work through certain aspects of communication with me. It’s hard to learn how to communicate effectively as an adult, we already think we know everything lol. I slip up and forget about timing so I send texts at 3am about things I haven’t fully processed. I slip up so I still blurt things out without any sort of filter. I slip up and rant a little bit. But I’m making progress and I can see it. I’m not perfect but I’m getting there.
I am grateful for his mentorship, patience and commitment to teaching me, building me up and not tearing me down.
– Sadie ❤
Check out the other Wicked Wednesday posts!