TMI Tuesdays

TMI Tuesdays – March 26, 2019 #NSFW

1. When you have experienced sexual difficulty, how did you overcome it? I’ve been historically really bad about sharing sexual difficulty. Early on in my sexual history I would just wait til after the session was over and find a good really laid back time to discuss what might be going on with me. I’d do it in a way that made it seem like not a huge deal. If it was something that I just couldn’t deal with i’d just stop the relationship all together . Sexual communication was not at all my strong suit. You can read more about that here. I’m much better about communicating now and my current sexual difficulties aren’t necessarily about the actual sex but more so about my role since I struggle a lot with more submissive thoughts than I should in my day to day peer relationship. I also sometimes prefer things rougher then would normally be in my relationship but we’ve gotten to a much better balance in reference to that so thats been making me very happy.

I’ve noticed recently that I won’t talk to Wicked specifically about my sexual difficulties in reference to my more inner sexual thoughts but I will express those feelings to Sir. I know recently we were together and he wanted me to tell him what was on my mind as I was masturbating and I couldn’t communicate that to him. I actually didn’t want to tell him because I knew that they were more inline with a much rougher thought process vs what was actually going on. However I’ve had no problem with sharing those same thoughts I wouldn’t share with Wicked with Sir…which I find very interesting.

2. How do you like to reconnect with your significant other? In order for me to feel truly reconnected after an argument or disagreement between us I need closeness and intimacy. It’s what seals the deal for me. I need to be close enough to sniff on his skin like a weirdo, feel his touch and hear his voice in my ear. I know that Wicked will not have sex me if he’s not okay about us, he just doesn’t work that way. If he’s annoyed or frustrated with me no matter how much I’m wanting he will not oblige. He has to be in the right head space and be good about us in order for any form of intimacy to happen. I know that if we go out and my plan is to get some when we get back….if over the course of time of that outing we get into it to the point where he’s upset, my dreams of a good fucking have gone out the window. Sometimes I just wish he would give me an angry fucking, I can take that. I’d prefer it over the process of silence, heartache and hurt you have to work through in a peer to peer relationship.

It’s right in the midst of those moments that I wish we could switch to D/s to resolve the issue….tell me what I’ve done wrong, tell me how to fix it for the future, let’s agree on a punishment and once the punishment is exercised then it’s all over. I think I’d feel better and wouldn’t have to question if I made things right because I’d know that I did. I’m sure i’d still feel disappointed in myself that I upset him but i’d feel more confident that I made it right and the next time something goes wrong I won’t feel so worried about how my past mistakes effect the current one. I feel like it would be less drawn out anguish on my side and the replaying/overthinking of everything. I feel like I could move on faster and not wallow in self pity. But that’s only in a fantasy world because that’s not something that can be actually done. There are clear guidelines on when, how and who is in control of that switch and its definitely not done with a light switch no matter how much I wish it was.

So in the real world after talking it out, parsing through feelings and coming up with a resolution I need to feel him deep inside of me and when I open my eyes in the middle of ecstasy I need to see him staring back at me. It’s in that place that I feel safe, reassured and reconnected.

3. “It isn’t what you do, it’s the way that you do it.” How do you like to be done? When it comes to sex how I like to be done is very closely related to how I feel in the moment. Those feelings dictate what I want at that time. If i’m feeling really good then i’m happy with either sensual or rough sex. If i’m feeling good but my submissive side is wanting then i’d prefer to be controlled during sex. If i’m feeling sad or disconnected because we’ve had a disagreement then I want sensual sex. I don’t drink so I’ve never had the drunk or tipsy feeling but if I did i’d likely want a combination of both sensual and rough. If i’m feeling really horny I usually don’t care how its given to me as long as I feel like i’m being controlled with a hint of roughness. It really all depends on how I feel.

4. If you are married, were you ready for marriage? I feel like these questions this week were right on time. They’ve given me a reason to think about and expand on things that I would not have done otherwise. I am not married but I was married and my wedding anniversary is coming up in just over a week. I don’t think you ever forget your wedding date and I don’t know that just because you are divorced that it just erases from the calendar. But then again I haven’t been divorced for a really long time so in time may be it does. My wedding anniversary is usually a very melancholy day for me because its a reminder of one of the happiest days of my life and that I failed at what I thought was the perfect decision for my life. However I don’t regret the decision to get divorced because I knew my life would not have been fulfilled in the years to come.

At the time I definitely felt like I was ready and was making one of the best choices of my life. I was married to the man that I had loved since I was a teen up into adulthood, my first true love, my best friend… I thought that we were a match made in heaven and soul mates that could get through anything. But I also was living a life that was not true to myself. I had conformed to what I felt like what the world expected of me . And that was okay for some time but the think about not being true to yourself is the desires you have reach a boiling point and you cant suppress them any longer. If my ex husband would have been okay with me being both poly and seeking out a Dom then it could’ve worked…..but that’s a huge ask! A huge ask especially when you commit to someone under the precedent that its not only monogamous but that sex would only be between the two of you and would be what the average person sees as “normal”. I felt like I was doing him a disservice.

Yes I felt like I was ready but there’s so much more too it.

5. If you are not married, are you ready for it? What makes you say that? I guess I can answer this one too. I am not against marriage or monogamy, its just not for me. But if I did decide to get married again it would have to be under my guidelines. I would only get married again if it was both a poly and kinky marriage, there can’t be one without the other. And for some they’d say well what’s the point and i’d say just because its not traditional doesn’t mean it can’t be done. I live life according to the beat of my own drum.

Bonus: “It’s complicated.” In what way does this describes your current (or most recent) relationship? It’s complicated would be exactly what describes my current relationship and that’s for both of my relationships, just in different ways. But since this blog is about Wicked and I i’ll speak to that. It’s complicated because as easy as it should be its hard. Sometimes it feels like one step forward but two steps back.There’s good days & bad days. It’s complicated, i’m complicated, we’re complicated but even with all the complications….i’m his.

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How to play TMI Tuesday: Copy the above TMI Tuesday questions to your webspace (i.e., a blog). Answer the questions there, then leave a comment below, on this blog post, so we’ll all know where to read your responses. Please don’t forget to link to tmituesdayblog from your website!

Happy TMI Tuesday!

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4 thoughts on “TMI Tuesdays – March 26, 2019 #NSFW”

  1. #1 is especially interesting given that Wicked and Sir are the same person! Some really fascinating responses here Sadie, I hope you guys work it all out.
    Side note: it’s your blog so do run it how you want, but… are you sure about posting a personal wedding pic (albeit with faces blurred)? The World Wide Web is smaller than we think, and while there’s a 0.00000001% chance someone will happen across your blog and then recognize the wedding, are you prepared for the outcome if they do recognize you?
    Okay, even as I type that I realize the odds are infinitesimal so… ignore me, I’m just paranoid.
    🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Nero! I’m quite paranoid myself and also thought the likely hood of someone finding it are slim . But all it took was for you to mention it lol so now I’ve deleted them 🙂 I think according to stats maybe only 5 people have seen it (it’s been a few hours since the comment, silly me attached it to the wrong post originally)

      You’re right #1 is interesting because it is the same person but for some reason I view it as two different people . The personalities are very different and they way we interact is very different .

      Thanks for reading and commenting 🙂

      Like

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