His Domination & My Burning Desire

Him & I…..Oh the joys

Wicked and I first met on the internet when I reached out to him for some D/s advice as I knew that he had vast knowledge on the subject. I had been following him on his internet platform for quite some time prior to that but I hadn’t had enough gumption to reach out. Finally I kind of got to my wits end on my quest to find what I was looking for so I threw caution to the wind and reached out. I wrote quite a bit giving some back story to my situation and what I needed advice on….to my surprise he replied. And not only did he reply but he sent a well thought out reply. From that point on we continued to go back and forth via email with him in an advisory role. At the time I was in a relationship (which I still am…we’re poly) and trying to figure out if it was a good idea to try and have my current partner go down the path of D/s for me or if I should just seek out a dom. Ultimately we landed on just seeking out a dom. Since I already had a scenario where my quest to D/s with my ex husband didn’t go well, I was totally happy with that advice bc I didn’t want to introduce anything that might’ve had the chance in ruining my seemingly peaceful relationship.

At the time of our initial correspondence I had no clue that he lived in my area….like pretty close in my area. Long story short we began dating and later decided to develop a relationship. Our relationship was off to a great start..we corresponded well & frequently and met up often to see each other. We were very deliberate about our pace…which was a snails pace. I expressed my interest in a dual relationship one that was both romantic and D/s. I really enjoyed our romantic time together so I didn’t want to eliminate that but I did want a D/s component since that is how we met. Now the romantic side of Wicked and the D/s version Sir are essentially two different people. And how I’d interact with Wicked versus Sir would be quite different. He knew that’s what I was looking for and as time passed on I started to think he was putting me off. I started to feel like he was hesitant about me meeting Sir. 

We had a discussion about it and he explained how waiting was in my best interest and that he was being responsible by not just taking advantage of my need. Since I would like a formal D/s relationship and not just random play he feels it would be better and I trust his judgement. He also mentioned how my behavior (for lack of a better word) in our romantic relationship had him thinking about it further. I understood what he meant by that. I can admit that I have a bit of an attitude and at times could be a tad mouthy which is totally acceptable in a romantic relationship. By acceptable I’m not saying it’s wanted but I’m saying the repercussions of my actions are very different. For example if I get upset and mouth off on an emotional rant….Wicked could respond by talking me off the ledge, getting upset, taking time away etc. However if I get upset and mouth off on an emotional rant there would be a penance to pay with Sir like being put over his knees and paddled by any number of things or potentially strung up and whipped with a belt….you get my drift. So I understood from that prospective not wanting to set me up for failure and not venture down a relationship that could be more punishment and a lot less fulfilling to the both of us. 

Okay so now that you have a good portion of the back story. Since then I’ve filled out two surveys and we’ve talked about my experience, wants, desires etc.Periodically I’ll mention to him my want to meet Sir. And I try to do it in a way that’s not demanding because 1. I’m not in a position to be making demands 2. I’m actively trying to remain patient 3. I’m sure it won’t get me very far. Now just because I trust his judgement does not mean that I don’t have woes… let’s take a moment for me to set my woes out there into the universe. 

It’s been a few months since I’ve been waiting patiently which isn’t a huge deal but prior to reaching out to him I already felt like I was on edge. So several months later I feel like I’m hanging off by the end of my little submissive thread. There is more to the D/s relationship then just the physical aspect and I think a lot of people see it as so whips, chains and a lot of rough fucking . But there’s more to it. There is also the mental side to a D/s relationship. And I could use them both at the moment maybe more so the mental part. When it comes to being a sub….you just know. You just know that there’s a need that has to be fulfilled. At first it starts like a want and for me it did. And I was able to suppress that desire for a long time (long story that I will share one day). But then there’s a point where it becomes a need and there is a burning desire that resides in the pit of your being. I feel myself already on that cliff. I’m aware that its constantly at the forefront of my mind lately. I’m aware that my want from years past has transitioned into a strong need. The other day we were talking and he joked about how it seemed like a medical emergency….but no really it is. 

I enjoy my romantic relationship with Wicked very much and I feel fulfilled in it. He’a such a good partner and friend. I struggle because I know that there is this other side of him that is capable of fulfilling one of my biggest needs at this time. I have to admit that I do have a bit of a jealous streak when it comes to Sir. Not so much him but jealous of the people who have the honor of calling him Sir. Since he does have an internet presence there are lots of people that refer to him as Sir and/or daddy etc. He also has a sub that gets to see him in that light all the time. I kind of feel like there’s this mystery side of him that I just don’t know, that I want to know so badly…that I need to know so badly. And a bunch of people have the opportunity to experience it but I’m on the outside of the fence jumping up and down with a bright yellow flag yelling pick me pick me. I’m always sure not to call him Sir even though I know others do because I feel like I’ve not earned the privilege yet. 

Let’s just say in a nut shell that it’s been hard waiting but in the interim I will continue to wait not so patiently and try not to be so jealous of those who already have the honor of calling him Sir. 

Sadie ❤

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